New Moon Scorpio-
Thoughts of fires, burning, embers, Phoenix rising from the ashes. That's how it feels. Have you ever heard the saying hurts so good? Yeah it's like that. But before it's like that, it's like oh shit I'm dying, it's so hot, parts of me are peeling off and it fucking hurts. It's terrifying when illusions become clearer and the shadows come out to play. Sometimes you may think you're losing your mind. How is it possible for a whole part of yourself to fall away, and you remain, standing, breathing, being.
This New Moon took place at 12 degrees Scorpio exactly conjunct my natal Pluto. This means this powerful Scorpio New Moon was also trining my Moon and Mars conjunct in Cancer and it was also sextile my Capricorn stellium of Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus. So for those of you that don't know astrology, I was getting rocked by this Scorpio energy! My emotions, my actions, my life lesson, my passion, my dreams, all being burnt to the ground, to be purified, refined and birthed anew. On top of that I have transit Neptune squaring my Sun, Jupiter, and Ascendant. So throw in some confusion, illusion, and delusion and I was about to uproot my whole life and move across country and take a more practical real world job. And what would that mean for my dream? A detour? A pause? A doubt? A fear? Uh Oh! I better look again :) So I dug deeper. What was really under this decision. Where was this coming from? What was I running from? I turned and faced the shadows. I was running away before I could fail, like I have done so many times past. I was dipping out when it was time to commit and go all in, power on. I realized it was fear and doubt clouding my decisions. But before I came to this realization (let's be honest) I had accepted a job offer, put in notice with my property management group, and told my family I was moving home! After I got off the phone with the third moving company, I was hit with intense anxiety, pure panic. The owner of the property where I currently reside called in the midst of my fit of emotion. I was overwhelmed to the point of nervous system shut down. I vomited, my go to stress response since infancy. It felt like so much energy was flowing through my body, like too much energy, I'm pretty sure it was adrenaline. My best friend said I shot myself into fight or flight! Earlier that day, I had been listening to a podcast about Schizophrenia and thought am I developing Schizophrenia right now?! I ended up taking a Benadryl and going to sleep. My cousin came over the next day and we made a pros and cons list. We talked it out. We rested. We ate some food and watched some comedy. We decided that I would take a day or two to decide before I made any concrete decisions.
The next morning I woke with the sunrise and felt the raw purity revealed by the flames. After burning the fuck up, I was left with my truth, my passion, my desire, my purpose. I was empowered or should I say I took my power back! I realized I had been perceiving myself as a victim. I was on the defense, when I should have been playing offense. With the New Moon came a power, a power to commit, to power on and persevere because I know what I believe in. I know my magic, I know my purpose, I know my desire and I know my power. It's all about refinement, honing your skill, committing to your dream and then working towards it consistently. No more doubt. That's what Scorpio season does, it get's you clear on who you are and what you want. It's not for the faint of heart but man is it invigorating! Thank you Scorpio New Moon for illuminating the power within. Thank you for burning up all the surface layers to get down to the depth of my true essence. Infinite death and rebirth.
If you have a desire in your heart, honor it. It is there for a reason. If you have dreams in your belly, consider yourself lucky! Pace yourself and show up for yourself! Keep going! Even when the world says that's not the way to do it. No one's ever done it that way before. You'll never make it. Believe in yourself! If you don't then who will?! Don't let fear of failure and doubts take your power away! You are a master creator will infinite abundance at your fingertips! Lift your arms to the heavens, palms open, and receive the life force. Let it flow through you. Direct the energy. Focus the energy. We are so powerful!! We must only believe and so it is!