It feels so weird typing this right now. Like I’m standing naked in front of my whole family. I have so much to say, yet I feel the judgement before it even begins. I know it exists in the hearts of so many. I know the restriction and shame are rooted deep within the hearts of most humans. Sexuality is suppressed in so many ways. To even talk about it is offensive because it shines a light on those sensitive hidden spots you don’t want to look at. If I share my sexuality, then it may illuminate the suppression or hatred of your own nature. I’ve decided to just be me, share my experience, and say F the haters! If my expression offends you feel free to not partake in my content. I will not be watering down or limiting my true expression in any way. I must set my inner Divine Goddess free! Free to be in her truest, highest, most pristine expression. I did not come to this earth to shrink to fit a mold that someone else made. I came here to burst like a freakin super nova! And burn their eyes out ;p So here I am in all my naked goodness, standing before you saying, “I am a freakin sensual goddess and I am not going to hide it any longer!” I will shout it from the rooftops, “I am a sexual being and I’m proud of it!” “I am woman, hear me roar!”
I started exploring the connection between spirituality and sexuality in 2020. I began with sexual meditations. I would create a sacred space. Sometimes I would put out rose petals, candles, crystals, it really depended on my mood. I would use a holy oil, that I had blessed by Mary Magdalene, to anoint and bless my body, the vessel. I would bless the instrument that I would be using. I typically say a prayer/ set an intention. Sometimes it would be to exchange energies with God. Sometimes it would be more specific, to manifest abundance or alignment. Sometimes the full intention would express itself during the climax of the meditation. A sudden burst of empowerment! Or alignment with my Higher Self! At times it felt as though I was connecting with the Universe itself. Finding ecstasy in the vibrations of Saturn’s rings. Through this exploration, I discovered that my sexual energy held so much more than just physical pleasure! I found that I could connect with God through sex.
Growing up in bible belt, small town Texas, God and sex could not be further apart! Sex was so shamed and subdued in the church. I grew up feeling so sinful and guilty for my natural instincts. I was constantly begging God for forgiveness for my disgusting human nature. In the church it is looked at as though humans are so flawed, and we must constantly request cleansing for those dirty human sins. “We are born into sin.” In a past relationship, I expressed my feelings of guilt and shame regarding what our sex life looked like to God. My ex gave the analogy of our dogs doing nasty things and we don’t judge or shame them, because we know they are just being dogs. At the time, this made sense and was somewhat comforting to me. It was not until my later sexual meditation/ exploration, that I realized my sexual energy was much more sacred than that of dogs.
To Be Continued….